Sex Mayhem: Hundreds Of NYers Complain Of Neighbors' Noisy Coitus

NEW YORK CITY — “Sex mayhem” is driving at least one Queens resident to distraction.

“For the love of God, stop these sex addicts,” the 311 complainant wrote. “O to the R to the G to the Y. If you know how to spell and read that is orgy.”

This report of a boisterous outer-borough bacchanal is one of hundreds the city’s 311 system received regarding raucous reproduction in New York City over the past year.

The city’s official helpline received 277 complaints between Feb. 19, 2021, and Feb. 9, 2022, from people scorning orgies and bemoaning the sounds of moaning, according to records obtained by Patch.

Queens logged 103 complaints — the most of all the boroughs — with Manhattan second with 66, Brooklyn third with 55, Bronx fourth with 48 and Staten Island fifth with four.

The most clamorously amorous appear to partake on a seemingly quiet road of residential houses on the coast of Jamaica Bay, although some residents expressed skepticism the reports were valid.

"This cannot be real," one local told Patch on a private Facebook group message. "[Laughter emoji.]"

Yet someone logged 56 sex noise complaints for Cross Bay Boulevard against an orgy of “hippies” — who sometimes dress up as Freddy Krueger, Pennywise and the Easter Bunny — with an alleged fondness for the theme music of professional wrestler Velveteen Dream, data shows.

“They’re still here causing a sex mayhem,” their alleged neighbor declared one morning at 6 a.m. “Thought it was too cold outside for an orgy party. Doesn’t stop this guy.”

Patch’s multiple attempts to reach the complainant for comment were unsuccessful, and several residents on the local Facebook group said the worst noises came from nearby cars.

“The commercial traffic on Cross Bay Blvd is absolutely horrendous,” a father of five told Patch via email.

“Add to the mix with noise from motorcycles, cars with loud exhaust and sound systems, and the set of future nascar racers, living on Cross Bay seems to be overwhelming at times.”

Noise overwhelms tens of thousands of New Yorkers every month, city data show.

The city can receive as many as 75,000 noise complaints a month, with New Yorkers begging officials to silence loud music, construction, barking dogs and other city sounds.

But 311 data obtained by Patch through a Freedom of Information Act request shows the creative complaints come from those hounded by the horny.

“[She] makes the bed squeak as if it's an Olympic event,” complained one New Yorker.

Another reported, “ceiling shaking and debris falling sex.”

In Brooklyn, one complainant from Greenwood Heights boasted of their ability to sleep through chaos, but not the neighbor’s nightly routine.

“To get a sense of how disruptive they are, I’ve slept through earthquakes and fires in my life,” the 17th Street resident wrote April 10 about 2:45 a.m. “I couldn’t sleep through this.”

Complaints such as these typically go from 311 operators to local police precincts, where officers will investigate if available.

“The NYPD takes all quality of life complaints seriously,” police spokesperson Detective Sophia Mason assured Patch. “[We] will continue to monitor and address all complaints.”

Records show those NYPD probes into noisy coitus rarely reach completion.

Police logged 187 cases as unfounded or unnecessary, two were gone on arrival, 68 were ruled not crimes or referred to other agencies, and 17 complaints ended with cops reporting they were “unable to enter.”

As an example, police thrice marked “unfounded” complaints from the Financial District of incessant banging and pounding.

“Sex party,” a John Street resident explained on Dec. 15 about 7:25 p.m.

“Sex T Party,” the resident reported on Dec. 30 about 2:20 a.m.

And finally, on Jan. 8 about 3 a.m., “SEX PARTY.”

Data may suggest a city populated by exultant exhibitionists, but Ned Shatzer, founder of the contracting company Hush Soundproofing, contradicts this analysis with anecdotal evidence of a Los Angeles porn star with a video-stream service and a man with a girlfriend in Cobble Hill.

Both clients asked Shatzer to fix a problem they shared: “I don’t know if we can do this unless we soundproof," they told him.

“We have many clients looking for more privacy in the bedroom,” Shatzer explained. “It’s pretty constant.”

Less performative city-dwellers are willing to give up a fair amount of New York real estate — Shatzer’s soundproofing services add about 3 inches of padding to oft-uninsulated apartment walls — and to pay upward of $10,000, he said.

Which may be why a Lower East Sider on Norfolk Street opted instead to call 311 for free.

“Happy for their sex life,” the downtown resident wrote on Dec. 17 about 9:20 p.m. “Sad for my and my neighbors [sic] bleeding ears.”

And why, in Brooklyn, a Bay Ridge resident complained three times of noisy crop-wielding romance on March 3, March 16 and Nov. 19.

“I keep hearing a whip and him telling her, “Call me daddy,’” the resident wrote. “Being kinky is fine but the loudness is ridiculous.”

The data also shows a city in tune with current events.

An East Harlem resident on 102nd Street complained of seasonally appropriate sexual activity during the yuletide season.

“Some guy is singing jingle balls at the top of his voice,” the Manhattan resident wrote Dec. 23 at about 11 p.m. “Another person is screaming [‘Y]es daddy come down my chimney.’”

Another New Yorker appears to have found inspiration in U.S. fiscal policy.

On April 7, 2021 — as taxpayers began to receive COVID-19 stimulus payments provided through the American Rescue Plan — a Bronx resident filed a sex noise complaint about 12:45 a.m.

“Loud banging and moaning” the neighbor complained. “Heard the neighbor saying “how’s this STIMMY baby!”